Those three little words..."I love you!"
They seem to have been replaced by all of these
new three-word phrases...
I miss you...I need you...
you loved me...I understood you... You "got" me...
you are gone...I am alone...I hate this...
you protected me...I am empty...where are you?...
I lost myself...grief is harsh...this really hurts...
I remember when...you really mattered...
I want you...I am broken...everything is different...
this is excruciating...I miss you...I miss you...I miss you...
and so many more....
This wave hits over and over...EVERY night...the only thing I want...all I need is to hear those words...to hear your voice and see your face again!
Time does not heal a damn thing! That's a lie!
Be grateful for what I do have? Of course! I'm not stupid and I do have people I love...but this has nothing to do with that...
This is a devastating loss to me and when the pain that I carry with me every second of every day flares up in a tidal wave and I feel like I am drowning...unless you've suffered this kind of loss you can't possibly understand...
Yes, I'm venting here...I don't care...I'm angry...I'm hurting...and my whole world is upside down...so I don't need to hear about talking to a doctor or taking pills...I don't need to sit in a group and tell everyone how it hurts...they know...
The only thing that would make all this go away...the only thing I want and need just happens to be the only thing that will never happen...I was not prepared for this...to exist without the love of my life and watch the world keep going without him in it is just too much to bear...
yes, I'm depressed...I'm shattered...I'm faking it when I smile...it's not the same...we saved each other...and in the end I couldn't save you! And now you can't save me! This is so f****ng unfair!
Why do we have to pay this high a price for loving someone so much?? Why are we punished for it? No amount of time...or screaming...or crying...or praying...or begging, can ever ease this absolute agony...not for me...and it's wearing me out.
I'm too exhausted to do anything...I'm drained...physically... emotionally...mentally...this is no way to live. Yes, he meant that much to me...
I would do anything for one more "I love you!" To hear it...to say it...now, it's just "all of the above..." and I hate it! I'm sorry...